i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
