: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
