Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
