I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
