Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I want a musical about memes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
