I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
