Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
