How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
