he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
