I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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