So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
