Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
