farters have to be the big spoon...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
