I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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