That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
