I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
