Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
