can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
