I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
