He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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