he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
