I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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