I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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