My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
