Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
