All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
