I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
