The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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