they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
