I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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