when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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