I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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