all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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