i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
