Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
