im having a threesome with these popsicles
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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