the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
