Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
