The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
