The maid of honor just puked.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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