i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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