its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
