you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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