Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
