He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
