So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
