I murdered the dance floor call the cops
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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