i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
