you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
