Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
