What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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